Personal Feelings
by Catalina Leigh
Summary: "Good investigators don't let their personal feelings cloud their judgments." *Tag to 2x11- Black Water*
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS, its characters, etc. etc.**

 **A/N: This is just a little drabble that got in my head. I don't know why or how, but it did. So I wrote it up.**

 **Starts right after the elevator doors close on Tony at the end of 2x11- Black Water.**

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Personal Feelings

"Let it go DiNozzo," Gibbs told his agent as he passed.

Tony shrugged, turning to follow his boss back to their desks. "You know me," he grinned.

"Yeah, I do," Gibbs muttered emphatically.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tony retorted defensively as he watched the team leader sit down.

Gibbs paused and gave him the 'don't play dumb' stare.

Sighing heavily, Tony's tone softened a little as he said, "I just don't want her to get hurt." Then added quickly, "Don't tell her I said that."

Now it was Gibbs turn to sigh. Watching his agent begin to pack up, the marine debated whether or not he should start this conversation. As Tony grabbed his bag, Gibbs made up his mind.

"Hey. Tony."

Tony froze. Both because of the use of his first name, which was rare enough by itself, and because of the quiet tone his boss used. That tone usually meant Gibbs was about to say something serious, that Tony probably didn't want to hear, and/or that he wouldn't say in front of others.

When he saw that he had Tony's complete attention, Gibbs said quietly but firmly, "Not all wealthy families are like yours."

"No," Tony agreed softly. "Some are worse." He turned to leave, not wanting any part of this conversation.

"Hey!" Gibbs barked sharply.

Rolling his eyes and releasing a petulant huff, Tony reluctantly turned back to his boss.

Gibbs stared him dead in the eyes and told him, "Good investigators don't let their personal feelings cloud their judgments."

Tony scoffed. "Look who's talking," he shot back before again turning to leave, this time not giving Gibbs a chance to stop him.

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 **A/N: That's the end for now. I'm not marking this as complete though, because I kinda wanna continue it and see where it goes. Let me know what you think. Reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So I finally continued this. I'd known I wanted to, but work and everything else has kept me from writing. I actually wrote the majority of this sitting on the beach today. :)**

 **Just a little warning: there are some things in here that could be considered 'Kate bashing'. Not my intention. I actually like Kate, but there are things about her that bug me, and this chapter highlights some of those. Just wanted to give a heads up so no one comments about it. Don't like, don't read.**

 **Anyway, enjoy!**

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Who does Gibbs think he is?

What right does he have to lecture me about personal feelings getting in the way?

These were the thoughts running around Tony's head as he paced his apartment, punctuating each pissed off thought with a drink of bourbon. He didn't usually drink the stuff outside of Gibbs's basement, but he had a bottle at his place for the rare times his boss stopped by. Now, after not being able to get Gibbs's comments out of his head, it seemed like an appropriate choice. He hadn't even bothered with a glass, just started drinking straight out of the bottle.

Tony didn't know why his boss's words were affecting him like this. Actually, that was a lie. It was because, unlike Tony, Gibbs didn't dance around a subject and force people to spend time trying to figure out what he'd meant. No, Gibbs got straight to the point. And when making a point, he went straight for the jugular.

Unfortunately, Gibbs also knew enough about Tony's past life to know exactly what had been going on in his agent's head during this case. Secretly, Tony had been grateful to his boss for playing along with his act and thereby keeping Kate and McGee from seeing it for just that, an act. But after Gibbs's little nuggets of wisdom after the others were gone, Tony realized he should've been working just as hard to convince his boss he was fine.

Except he hadn't. And now he knew that Gibbs knew what this case, and Kate's behavior, had triggered for him.

Sighing heavily, Tony took another long drink. He knew it was his own fault. He'd unknowingly dropped his guard around Gibbs enough for the older man to get a glimpse behind his masks, and even into his past. Now he had to do damage control.

If he'd just laughed off Gibbs's comments, acted like they hadn't stung, it'd be different. Instead, he'd gotten defensive and snapped back. It was a response that let Gibbs know he'd hit his mark. And knowing his boss, Tony knew he wouldn't let it go.

So now he needed to have another chat with Gibbs. This time he would convince his boss he was fine, and they could get back to normal.

Not wanting to have this conversation where it could be overheard, Tony sat down the bottle and grabbed his phone, wallet, and keys.

0

Gibbs forced himself to breathe as he worked on his boat. After a while, the tension slowly ebbed and he began to relax; the slow, smooth strokes of the sandpaper on the wood finally working their magic.

Tonight, his frustration wasn't over the case, or even the slimy PI. No, tonight the team leader was frustrated with himself. He knew he'd pushed too hard with Tony. Of course, Gibbs knew it wasn't entirely his fault. DiNozzo didn't make anything easy. But Gibbs knew better. It had taken him longer than it should've, and more mistakes than he cared to admit, but after three years Gibbs knew that approaching some topics with Tony required careful timing and a good deal of tact.

The problem was Gibbs was a more direct guy. He didn't like taking the roundabout way. DiNozzo was a challenge in that respect, and many others. But, to be honest, it was one of the things that had drawn him to the younger man. He'd recognized almost immediately that Tony was a man of many layers. It was part of what made him such a good investigator. He didn't take things at face value because he knew from personal experience there was often a lot more going on behind the scenes than most people realized.

Kate could learn a thing or two from him in that regard. She may not be new to being a federal agent, but she was still new to being an investigator. Tony wasn't. A fact Kate had yet to recognize. For all her training as a profiler, she still took things at face value more often than not, and almost always when it came to her partner. It was something Gibbs knew both annoyed and relieved Tony.

From the beginning of the case, Gibbs had recognized Tony's deflection the moment it started. Knowing what he knew about Tony's family, from both his own background checks and what Tony had and didn't say about it, Gibbs had helped his agent misdirect the other agents. McGee was still too new to the team, and too green in general, for Tony to trust with that kind of information. And Kate had shown her colors time and time again. While Gibbs knew she cared about Tony and, for the most part, trusted him in the field, he also knew that for some reason she had a blind spot when it came to Tony.

Maybe that was why Gibbs had finally decided to step in and say something. He'd caught the small nuances, an eye roll here, a shrug there, that gave Tony away. There were certain aspects of this case, and his partner's comments, that had gotten under his skin. Though Gibbs was sure no one else had noticed, except maybe Ducky, he still felt the need to say something. Especially after the way he'd seen his agent get protective over Kate. It may not have affected Tony's ability to do his job, but it had affected him.

Tony's usual way of dealing with things meant ignoring them and pretending everything was fine, at least in front of others. How he dealt with them in private, Gibbs still didn't know, but he suspected it wasn't much different. That was why Gibbs pushed him sometimes. The whole 'everything is great' routine bugged the crap out of the marine when he knew something was wrong. So he would play the bastard card to get Tony to at least admit there was something going on.

Unfortunately, Tony was stubborn as hell, and he pushed right back. Like he had tonight. Gibbs had a feeling tonight was also one of those nights where, instead of getting Tony to talk to him, his plan had backfired and only succeeded in pushing the younger man further away.

Gibbs froze. He began sanding again after a moment. It seemed like he was about to find out where he and his agent stood. Regardless of what others thought, Tony could be quiet when he wanted to be, but Gibbs knew his house and all its sounds. He also knew Tony's footsteps, quiet or not.

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 **A/N: Hope you liked this chapter! I know that's a cliffhanger ending, and I apologize! This was kinda just a peek into the guys' heads, and the next chapter is going to be their conversation. I'm gonna try to finish the next chapter soon, but I've got a lot to do in the next few days so no guarantees. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3

"You got some nerve, you know that?"

It was out of his mouth before he could stop it. Tony hadn't meant to start a fight before he'd even gotten down the steps. Hell, he'd come here to smooth things over and convince his boss he was fine so the man would let it go. But that all went out the window as soon as he saw Gibbs.

For his part, Gibbs sat down his tools, content to just let Tony get it out of his system. That was until he turned to face his agent and saw the guy's unsteadiness. It was barely noticeable, but Gibbs had known Tony for three years. He knew when Tony was trying to pretend to be sober.

" _Tell_ me you did _not_ drive here," the marine growled, glaring at the young man.

But Tony didn't seem to care. "There you go again! Always in other people's business, whether they want you there or not."

Any other time, Gibbs may have made a comment about the irony in that statement, or about it being part of the job. This time, though, he was too pissed off.

Grabbing Tony's arm, he warned, "DiNozzo, so help me – "

"I took a cab," Tony snapped, cutting off the threat as he knocked the older man's hand away.

His anger towards Tony vanished instantly, but it turned straight onto Gibbs himself. Yet again, he was frustrated with himself for how he confronted DiNozzo. He should've known better; Tony wouldn't drive drunk, no matter what state he was in. But Gibbs was a stubborn bastard, and had a rule against apologies. So he didn't say anything, and just let Tony take his shots.

"You think you know everything, huh? The Great Almighty Gibbs," Tony scoffed. "Well, guess what? You don't know everything. And who the hell are you to lecture me on personal feelings clouding my judgment? Huh? How many times has your ' _gut_ ' decided things for us?"

"Not the same thing, DiNozzo," Gibbs retorted softly.

Tony rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know. Instincts and hunches, and all that. Yeah, I get that. But what about when you stick up for your fellow marines? Or help out a friend? Or hell, just don't like someone?"

Gibbs stayed silent, watching as Tony paced while he ranted.

"Don't wanna play politics or deal with red tape? Not a problem! _If_ you're Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs, that is. … Ya know, I get it. I really do. Justice served. I sure as hell don't want some guilty, murdering, thieving S.O.B. back on the streets free to do it again because of some technicality." Tony stopped and looked Gibbs dead in the eyes as he asked seriously, "But when have you ever known me to let my personal feelings get in the way of me doing my job?"

"Never."

Tony froze, mouth halfway open as if he'd been about to retort until he realized what Gibbs said. Slowly closing his mouth, Tony stared at his boss.

Gibbs took the chance. "I have never seen you let your personal feelings impact the way you do your job, or cloud your judgment."

"Then why the hell'd you say all that crap to me back at the office?" Tony demanded.

Gibbs took a step toward his agent and answered honestly. "Because this was the closest I've seen you come to it since the Ellen Davidson case."

Whatever color had been in Tony's face disappeared, and he took a step back as if getting ready to run.

Taking a deep breath, Gibbs gave a conceding shrug. "Look, what I said back at the office… Not entirely true. No, good investigators don't let their personal feelings cloud their judgments. _Most_ of the time. But it happens to everyone sooner or later. Doesn't make you a bad investigator, just makes you human."

Seeing Tony getting ready to argue again, Gibbs held up a hand and continued before he got the chance.

"It's gonna happen to you sooner or later, DiNozzo," Gibbs said bluntly. "I'd just rather it be later, after you've got more experience and practice. Less messy that way."

There was something in the way he said it. So Tony took a shot in the dark. "Less likely to get people hurt?"

"Yes."

And apparently he hit the mark dead center.

They all had secrets. Tony knew that. And he knew the man in front of him probably had many he'd never even know existed. Though Tony knew that Gibbs was trying to help, and wouldn't share anything that was said between them tonight; he hadn't before. But Tony couldn't help but remember Tom McAllister's words.

 _"When you come from the type of family I did, you get used to keeping secrets."_

It was true. He and Tom did have a lot in common in that respect, and others. Tony was used to keeping secrets. And while his boss didn't know what they were, he did know they were there. That was one thing Tony liked about the man. Gibbs always seemed to know when something was up, but he wouldn't push you for details. He would push, that was for sure, but just until he knew you were gonna be okay.

And it was with that thought that realization hit Tony. Sighing heavily, he barely glanced at Gibbs, ignoring the man's watchful gaze as he walked back over to the stairs and collapsed onto them.

Gibbs didn't say anything. He'd seen the anger disappear from his agent's eyes. It had been replaced with what looked like defeat, and confusion.

"She looked past it all with him."

The quiet statement wasn't filled with anger. No, Tony didn't sound angry. Upset, maybe. Disappointed, definitely. And Gibbs didn't need to ask who 'she' was.

"Ya know, for a profiler, she really sucks at figuring people out."

There it was, Tony's attempt at humor.

Until he added, "Or maybe it's just me."

Gibbs could hear the despondency in his voice. Letting out a sigh of his own, the marine retorted, "Yeah, well, you don't exactly make it easy."

That got a small smirk out of his agent, who glanced up to see his boss sitting down beside him.

In his typical blunt fashion, Gibbs asked, "Are you mad she doesn't see past your act, or glad she doesn't?"

Tony froze for a moment. Trust Gibbs to cut straight to the heart of the matter. Hell, he expected it from his boss, but it still caught him off guard sometimes.

Gibbs waited. Tony wouldn't look at him, but the marine knew his agent would answer eventually.

Quietly, Tony shrugged, "Both, I guess."

Nodding, Gibbs told him, "You don't have to tell anyone anything. But don't get mad at them for not seeing past your crap when you won't let them in."

There was a quick glance that their years as a team allowed Gibbs to read for what it was. It was an unspoken 'You did.'

What was spoken allowed, Gibbs knew would not have come out as disappointed as it did if not for the alcohol in Tony's system right now.

"She doesn't even try."

Sighing heavily, Gibbs moved his hand to the back of Tony's head.

The younger man flinched slightly, as if expecting a head slap. Instead, his boss simply rested his hand there.

Ruffling Tony's hair slightly, Gibbs muttered a sympathetic, "I know."

They stayed like that for a minute. Gibbs's hand resting on the back of Tony's head, offering silent comfort. Tony unconsciously leaning into the gentle touch.

"He seems like a decent guy."

Gibbs smirked, shaking his head slightly. "Yeah, he does," he agreed.

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 **A/N: That's all folks! Hope you enjoyed this final chapter, and the story itself! As always, reviews are greatly appreciated!**


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